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My mums 84th birthday, cleaning and disenfectant WATER, gardening cloves up to her elbows (as the skin gets thinner as you get older)

Focusing on getting our comfort back.  Tomorrow will be different than yesterday and what are WE doing today to be comfortable with what tomorrow brings. This blog covers my mum who is 84, me at 55 and my 6 year old daughter.  My mum lives independently in a tiny house on wheels on our property..

We can do this!  We can get our comfort back.  I’ve noticed this week a greater level of comfort than last weeks inconvenience, disruption, fear and hope.  Everyone is still adjusting … This blogg is to tell our story and help to get our comfort back with a focus on health and our home.  As we move forward having a heightened focus on mindset, health and our immediate environment in our home.

Mindset and health are paramount, it is the foundation in moving forward.  If we don’t have either at a certain level anything that follows will be ‘wobbly’. If we are not solid on mindset and health it will hinder us in the future, it will slow us down, it will hinder our focus.

Resilience is something we have within ourselves; we all have it.  In fact Australian and New Zealand women and families are renowned for it across the world.   Recognise you have it, draw on it.  Recognising the resilience, we have built up over our lives will be critical over the coming months; take comfort in knowing that we have the resilience to support ourselves. Resilience is not something that we just start doing, it is something we have built up over time.  What resilience have you built up in your life?  What history of resilience have you got in your family, in your community?

Mum has HUGE resilience, her father passed away when she was still in nappies, her mum raising the kids on her own for many years, and my mothers mum took in a cousin as well to raise.  There was a family tragedy of an aunty taking her and her childrens lives through years of an abusive husband.  My mum had 9 pregnancies with 3 surviving children, she has been married 3 times, every marriage, bless her, was a happy one.  But here she is at 84 on her own, all three husbands have passed and are no longer living.  She is 1 of 4 siblings and her and her eldest sister who is 90 are the surviving sisters.  She fortunately has the joy that all three of her precious children are alive and healthy.  She has been in some successful business ventures and some terrible financial disasters.  She won a small amount of lotto once. I remember that phone call of excitement, it came just at the right time for her.  I also remember the phone call to advise my dear stepfather who was a wonderful man had terminal cancer, and mum had cancelled their private insurance cover the month prior to save money.  Mum has a massive resilience reserve to support her through the next few months.   In fact she comes from a long line of resilient women and families and passed that down to us.

My resilience bank draws on experiences with childhood challenges, drinking at a very young age (so many experiences where I should not have woken up the next day!), not valuing myself but at an early age recognising something related to Entrepreneur Mindset which of course I did not know what to label or call it at the time.  I got married, which did not last.  I’ve had a long term relationship which has recently broken down.  I have had a very successful professional career taking me around the world, I had turned myself into a workaholic and ‘high achiever’.  At a very young age I was told I could not have children which really shaped my 30’s to be a workaholic and the fun girl.  I recall quite clearly telling a guy I had been dating for a few months the news I could not have children (at what point do you tell someone?).  We were in a restaurant, he stood up and abused me for wasting his time. mmmmmm.. that was an experience.  So single I stayed – why would I re enter that world of the unknown?  Then, due to a breakthrough in fertility treatment, to be given options in my early 40’s of having children… too late I said, then on reflection I realised actually how much I would like to raise a child.  I have many many god children, probably because they thought I would not have my own ..ha ha.  Anyway 8 years and 15 rounds of IVF followed …. Which eventuated in my little girl being born!!  In my 49th year! 

Something I’ve realised with my recent relationship breaking down is I’ve never been alone without my dad or a man in my life.  I have certainly been single for most of my adult life, but my dad was there.  And he was the greatest support – always believing in all of his children.  I meet my current partner while dad was alive.  Now I’m standing here a bit wobbly as my dad is not there to say – it will all be ok Ferne, you’ve got this.  

My bottom line is at 55 years I thought I would be further along in my comfort zone than what I am.  I thought I would have retired, happily travelling the world with my little girl in tow visiting all my friends and creating experiences and memories and having a wonderful base to come back home to, with a solid bank account to never have to check the balance on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. That is not my current reality.   I have stopped looking at my superannuation balance in the last week !

So step it up I will … I have resilience, my mother has resilience we have a long history of resilience in our family, in our communities in the Southern Hemispher.  We do things every day to ensure our mindset is strong and focused.  I meditate each day, mum gardens every day – it helps form our foundation.  I am very fortunate that I have an Entrepreneur mindset.. It’s in my blood, in my bones.  I have passion and I’m retraining myself on how to take my knowledge + passion and influence others more broadly than I otherwise would have without social networks!!

What has occurred in your life to give you resilience?  Draw on it now and focus on your mindset.

So how does this help with our tomorrow?  The inconvenience, risk, fear and uncertainty that is occurring today in our lives in March 2020 all around the world.  We have to make sure this one event is not the event that brings you undone, it’s not THE thing that takes all your reserves of resilience and uses it up all at once.  Do not empty your resilience tank! 

“The outcome of a choice made in fear will always be more of the same”– Paul Selig.

Every single one of us is dealing with a collective event never experienced before by most of us in our lifetimes.  And let’s be honest…it is terrifying.

Draw on your resilience you have in your reserve bank.  We have, each and everyone of us, been dealt events that build resilience.

The four of us here at home have self-isolated with mum, my daughter myself and my partner.  Even though my relationship has broken down with my partner I’m very grateful we have come together and figured out ways to treat each other with respect and stay at our property to support as a family.  We will deal to ‘us’ at a future time, but now is not the time to figure out our individual futures.  It is a time to figure out how to support and demonstrate what family resilience is.   

So getting our comfort back.  Recognise tomorrow will not be the same as last week and that is OK. We just need to get comfortable what the new tomorrow is going to be

Suggested Actions

  1. Limit your time listening to news news news – chats with friends about doom and gloom, give yourself a time limit each day to be part of that ‘movement’
  2. Recognise you have resilience, reflect on times in your life that has built resilience in your resilience bank! Look at your history within your family, your community, your country.
  3. Reflect on what gives you joy, what tops up your mindset, what keeps you in a good mindset – do more of it!  Recognise the triggers that distracts you from a good mindset, put management plans in place that if this ‘trigger’ occurs what is your management plan to draw out of any downward spiral
  4. Back away from people who don’t share good energy with you.  You are in the driver’s seat of your life.  Don’t be a passenger in something so critical as your life.  
  5. Stand in front of that mirror in the morning and throughout the day and smile back, love the person you see, love the person you will be tomorrow.

Ferne Eliz King
Love Life Love YOUR Life